One of the more amusing things about the Inquirer is the stable of right-wing hacks that populate its op-ed page. Here’s a funny one from Jonathan Last. Headlined “GOP will unify as Obama and Clinton continue to vie”, Last claims:
John McCain: Only an act of God can stop him from winning the Republican nomination. In exit polls, he showed strength in all regions and across all bands – even among self-identified conservatives. Mike Huckabee: He has done more with less than any presidential candidate in the last 20 years. Elite conservatives in print, talk radio, and on the blogs spent a week trying to tear down McCain and present Mitt Romney as the conservative alternative. But Huckabee did almost as well as Romney, on a campaign so cheap it won’t run out of money. But he is going to run out of Southern states.
That must explain why Huck won Kansas by a landslide, squeaked by in Louisiana, and the results are still too close to call in Washington. How’s that “unifying” going, Jonathan? As for his growing strength among self-identified conservatives, McCain was roundly booed at CPAC, right-wing talk radio has been dragging the guy’s name through the mud for weeks, and influential theocrats like James Dobson won’t even consider the old man’s candidacy. You can’t blame Last’s unfounded optimism on the fact that newspapers can’t keep up with the 24/7 news cycle on the internet: some of these facts have been known for days, if not weeks. Last’s column is a classic example of “if wishes were ponies.” Here’s more:
Republicans: Here’s the good news: They’re going to nominate the guy who runs best against Democrats in every poll taken so far. Such “theoretical” matchups can measure two things: name recognition and solidity of a campaign. Forget name recognition: McCain, Clinton and Obama are all well-known. But McCain’s campaign is sound indeed. He will put immense pressure on independents and Hispanics. He should run extremely well with men. And his trump card is that he’s the only person in the race who was right from the very start on what should be the defining difference in the campaign: Iraq.
Never mind that he never gets to the bad news (or the fact that for the GOP, there IS no good news), “McCain’s campaign is sound”?? The presumed Republican nominee was roundly defeated by Huckabee yesterday in two states, and in Washington, with only a 2% lead (or less), the state GOP stopped counting with 87% reporting. “Sound campaign”? You be the judge. As for Iraq, McCain says he’d keep troops there another hundred years: “right from the start”? That’s not only hilarious, it’s  completely insane: regardless of how you feel about him, the only person in the 2008 race who was “right from the very start on what should be the defining difference in the campaign” is Barack Obama. Last claims, “The Republicans will begin mopping up and unifying the party over the next few weeks. The Democrats are in for a protracted and probably unpleasant fight that should go through April.” That’s just not going to happen. The coalition is busted, they’re out of money, and the NRCC is under investigation for misuse of funds. The right-wing bloviators have disowned Bush, and everytime he comes out an embraces McCain, it just makes the mouthbreathers angrier. The GOP is not going to unify anytime soon, despite Last’s optimistic predictions. But it’s fun to watch him flail.  

4 Responses to “Clown School, With Jonathan Last”

  1. frank Says: February 12th, 2008 at 6:47 pmI think you’re being a little hard on Jonathan Last. He’s nowhere near the whacknut that Kevin Ferris is, nor the moron that LIttle Ricky is. Or the empty suit that Waste of Newsprint is. And, when push comes to shove at the GOP Convention, he’s probably right. The GOPers who haven’t seen the light will unite.
  2. Kinmo Says: February 12th, 2008 at 9:05 pmHuck winning Kansas came as no surprise. He’s quite popular with the “yuk, yuk, yuk” monster truck drivin’, Skoal chewin’, wife beaters, and Kansas has a plenty. For all of the Kansans that want to replace evolution with creation in the public schools and roll civil rights back into the dark ages, he’s their man. Yikes.
  3. somegirl Says: February 13th, 2008 at 11:02 ami’d love to see huck win. it would serve the cons who’ve been using the religious right right if they had no one to vote for. i mean for years they have been nurturing this movement, a nation of idiots, for their own ends. and what a personable guy he is, despite his feelings about evolution. i’d rather see him pres than mccain anyday. at least he doesn’t want to stay in iraq for 100 years.
  4. Tim Says: February 13th, 2008 at 2:32 pmI think by “unify” the headline writer meant “figure out a way to steal the upcoming election”